Thursday, March 01, 2012 11:49:00 PM
On that fateful day.
The feeling of anxiety was indescribable.
So were the expections, from myself and from those who have been helping me all along.
A big part of me could guessed that the results obtained wouldn't be up to my own expectations, but at the same time, there was this tiny little voice inside hoping that the miracle would occur.
The hall was crowded with our cohort together with some seniors and juniors that had decided to return to cheer us on.
Everyone waited nervously for the principal, Mrs Loke, to announce the results.
On hearing that our cohort did better than the previous batch, everyone started clapping and cheering.
She then announced the percentage of distinctions for each subjects and whether we were above national average.
Everyone was proud of the school's distinction rates for Biology and General Paper and simply relieved that our Chemistry results were saved by the bell curve.
Then they started flashing the slides with the top scorers names.
Everyone were frantically scanning through the list, hoping to see their own names.
I'm quite sure everyone felt the same way at that point of time.
That silent prayer "Please let my name be on the screen" was deafening.
The same few names of those who were expected to do well, a few black horses here and there, my classmates' names, my friends' names, but not my own.
That queue to collect my results. And the instant I flipped the slip over to find a C engraved on the slip. The excruciating pain was further aggravated by the fact that the people around me did so well, again.
You could say that I'm proud of everyone's achievements and all but at the same time I just wished I could be the one that people were congratulating, instead of the one they were comforting, gazing sympathetically at or offering tissues to.
I couldn't even bring myself to answer the texts and to break the news to my parents.
They would be disappointed, but the call had to be made.
It took me quite some time to calm myself down.
Taking a look around, i realised that there were more out there who probably couldn't even make it to local universities.
It wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be, though it wasn't that fantastic either.
And looking back, I realised I have come quite far, from the day I stepped into JC to the day I collected my results, and I should in fact, be proud of myself for making it past those 2 long years of my life.
Those memories of the past from exactly one year ago flooded back when I think of my juniors collecting their (dreaded) A level result certs that would either make them or break them, in terms of making it to their next phase of life, despite knowing that academics is not and should not be one's main focus in life. I really wish I could be there with them. To congratulate those who did well, and to encourage those who didn't.
Perhaps, today, some would have felt the same as what I felt then and now as I'm typing out this post exactly a year after the collection of my results and worrying about what is to come next.
But what I truly feel now is that there will be a way out for all of us. Just because life has a different route planned out for us, it doesn't mean it is necessarily the worst route. A route which may look as though it has a bleak future may not be that bad after all, because ultimately, we decide our attitudes towards life, how we deal with obstacles and people and how we want to live our lifes. Regardless of which path we choose in the future, treasure what we have now, and work hard for the future.
Let go of the unhappiness,, anger, jealousy and disappointment inside and we'll gain much more.
Most importantly, have no regrets in life.